Why Married Christians Should Not Avoid the Song of Solomon — And What It Teaches Us About Dating After Marriage

God’s Successful Marriage — Common Man Publications

When most Christians think about the Song of Solomon, they picture a book reserved for marriage conferences or couples’ retreats — the kind of place where difficult passages can be whispered safely behind closed doors. Many churches avoid preaching through it, not because it lacks value, but because its imagery feels too vulnerable, too poetic, too intimate for a Sunday morning.

But here’s the beautiful truth:
God dedicated an entire book of Scripture to celebrating marital love — emotional, spiritual, and yes, romantic.
This means the Song of Solomon isn’t something to avoid… it’s something to learn from, especially if we want to build strong, Christ-centered marriages that go the distance.

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Why We Avoid It — And Why We Shouldn’t

The Song of Solomon’s poetry can feel unfamiliar to modern readers. Metaphors like “Your hair is like a flock of goats” (Song 4:1) or “Your neck is like the tower of David” (4:4) seem far removed from today’s language of affection. But behind the cultural expressions lies a timeless message:

Solomon pursued his bride.
He admired her.
He spoke life over her.

In a world where marriages often grow distant, this book serves as a reminder that admiration, pursuit, and affection are holy things when expressed in covenant love.

And that’s where many marriages today struggle — not because the love is gone, but because the pursuit stopped.

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When We Stop Dating After Marriage

Before marriage, dating is full of passion, adventure, curiosity, and intentionality.
After marriage, life gets busy:

• Jobs

• Kids

• Laundry

• Exhaustion

• Bills

• Stress

Slowly, silently, dating fades. Not because we don’t love each other — but because we stop pursuing each other.

But look at how Solomon speaks to his bride:

“Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful…”
— Song of Solomon 4:1

He doesn’t admire her silently.
He doesn’t assume she already knows.
He tells her.

And then he continues:

“You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride.”
— Song of Solomon 4:9

Imagine how many marriages would be strengthened if husbands and wives spoke like this — not with the ancient metaphors, but with the same spirit of admiration, intentionality, and pursuit.

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Song of Solomon Teaches Pursuit — Not Passivity

Solomon initiates affection.
The bride responds with equal desire.
There is movement, invitation, and emotional closeness.

“Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.”
— Song of Solomon 2:10

That is marital pursuit in its purest form.

This isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about intentional connection — the same kind of intentionality couples had when they first fell in love.

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This Connects Beautifully to the “10 Daily Choices for a Strong Marriage”

Do you recall teh list? Go back and read the earlier blog 10 Daily Choices for a Strong Marriage  (https://commonmanpub.blogspot.com/2025/08/10-daily-choices-for-strong-marriage.html) This list teaches that strong marriages aren’t built on feelings — they are built on choices.

Daily choices.
Repeated choices.

Song of Solomon models several of your principles:

1. Choosing to Pursue

Solomon consistently goes after his bride’s heart — emotionally, verbally, and romantically.

2. Choosing to Admire

The entire book is filled with verbal appreciation. Admiration starves insecurity and feeds connection.

3. Choosing Tenderness and Love as an Action

The couple chooses closeness, gentleness, and pursuit — not passivity or neglect.

4. Choosing Time Together

“Come away with me…” (2:10) is essentially an ancient invitation to date your spouse again.

5. Choosing to Protect the Marriage

They guard their love from distractions and threats (Song 2:15).
Love requires boundaries.

Each one of your “10 Daily Choices” is reinforced by Scripture — and Song of Solomon gives us a living example of how couples can put those choices into practice.

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So What Does This Mean for Us Today?

It means Christian couples should not shy away from the Song of Solomon.
It means pastors shouldn’t fear teaching it.
It means married believers should reclaim the beauty God placed in marital affection.

And it means couples need to remember:

Dating shouldn’t stop when marriage begins.

God gives us a biblical blueprint for romance, pursuit, admiration, and delight inside marriage — and it’s right there, tucked between Ecclesiastes and Isaiah, waiting to be rediscovered.

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Closing Encouragement

If your marriage feels distant, routine, or tired, the Song of Solomon gently invites you back to the basics:

• Pursue each other again.

• Speak life over each other again.

• Admire each other again.

• Make time again.

• Choose each other daily — as Solomon and his bride chose each other.

Because God didn’t give us this book to embarrass us.
He gave it to equip us.
To strengthen us.
To remind us that love inside marriage is sacred, passionate, and worth pursuing every single day.