The Seasons of Marriage

Key Verse:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” 

— Ecclesiastes 3:1

When my bride and I exchanged our vows, we promised to love one another for the rest of our lives. What we could not have fully understood that day was how many different versions of life those vows would have to carry us through.

We knew we would grow older together, but we did not yet know exactly how parenthood would change us. We did not know what responsibilities would eventually rest on our shoulders, what trials would test us, or which prayers would seem to go unanswered. We did not know how success, disappointment, illness, loss, exhaustion, and the passing years would shape the people we were becoming.

We promised to love each other for a lifetime without yet knowing everything that lifetime would contain.

That is one of the beautiful—and sometimes difficult—truths about marriage: marriage has seasons.

Some seasons feel full of new beginnings, others are filled with building, working, and raising a family. Some bring a closeness that seems to come naturally, while others require us to be much more intentional. There are seasons of celebration and seasons of sorrow. There are times when marriage feels strong and steady, and times when husband and wife are simply trying to remain faithful while life presses in from every direction.

The presence of seasons does not mean something is wrong with our marriage, it means our marriage is alive. Living things grow, adjust, endure, and change.

The Person You Married Will Change

One of the most important lessons we can learn in marriage is that the person we married will not remain exactly as they were on our wedding day. 

Neither will we.

The young couple beginning their life together may eventually become parents trying to function on too little sleep. The husband who once had plenty of time and energy may later carry the strain of greater responsibility. The wife who once seemed carefree may find herself balancing the needs of children, aging parents, work, ministry, or changes within her own body. Injury, chronic illness, grief, retirement, and other unexpected turns can alter what a spouse is able to give.

These changes are not always signs of failure. Often, they are the evidence of a life being lived.

After thirty-one years of marriage, I can honestly say that I do not love exactly the same woman I married. I love the woman my bride has become. Motherhood changed her. Raising and homeschooling five children changed her. Our victories changed her, but so did our trials. Chronic illness, sacrifice, disappointment, faith, and the passing years have all shaped her.

Because she has changed, I have had to learn how to love her in the season she is in—not merely remember how I loved her in a season that has already passed.

Earlier in our marriage, she needed certain kinds of safety and security from me. In other seasons, she needed encouragement, respect, partnership, or my willingness to be fully present. The love was still there, but the way that love needed to be expressed changed.

This is where some couples can become discouraged. We continue offering what once worked, but our spouse no longer responds in the same way. We assume that love has faded when it may simply need to mature.

Faithful love pays attention. It asks, “Who is my spouse becoming, and how can I love this person well now?”

Not Every Season Feels the Same

We naturally enjoy some seasons more than others. It is easier to appreciate a season filled with laughter, affection, shared dreams, and visible progress. It is harder to recognize the value of a season marked by fatigue, uncertainty, or waiting.

Ecclesiastes does not tell us that every season will feel good. It reminds us that every season has its time.

There may be a season when a couple feels deeply connected because life allows them time together. There may be another when work schedules, children, medical appointments, or family responsibilities leave them with little more than a tired conversation before bed. One season may be filled with romantic getaways and long conversations. Another may be measured by whether someone remembered to fill the gas tank, make the appointment, or quietly take care of something that would have added to the other person’s burden.

Love does not become less meaningful when it becomes less glamorous.

In fact, some of the deepest love in a marriage is expressed in ways no one else will ever see. It is found in the spouse who stays patient when the same concern has been discussed many times. It is found in the husband or wife who adjusts expectations because the other person is hurting. It is found in the cup of coffee prepared without being asked, the hand held in a waiting room, and the decision to remain gentle when both people are tired.

That principle is at the heart of Remembering the Little Things, the little things are rarely little to the person receiving them. They communicate, “I still see you. I still know you. You still matter to me.”

The particular little things may change with the season, but the need to be remembered does not.

Do Not Judge Your Marriage by Someone Else’s Season

One of the dangers couples face is comparing their present season with someone else’s visible moment.

We may see another couple traveling, laughing, serving together, or appearing unusually close and wonder why our marriage does not look the same. What we cannot see is the season they have come through, the responsibilities they do not carry, or the private difficulties that never make it into a photograph.

We may even compare our marriage to an earlier version of itself. We remember when conversation seemed easier, affection felt more spontaneous, or responsibilities were lighter. Those memories can be precious, but they become harmful when we use them to condemn the marriage we have today.

A couple raising young children should not expect life to feel exactly as it did when they were newlyweds. A couple navigating illness should not measure their relationship by what they could do when both were healthy. A husband and wife entering retirement should not assume that the routines which carried them through their working years will automatically fit this new season.

Comparison keeps asking, “Why can’t our marriage be what it used to be?”

Wisdom asks, “What does faithfulness look like here?”

That question allows us to honor what has changed without surrendering what still matters.

Seasons Require Different Kinds of Love

Every season presents its own invitation to love.

Some seasons call us to build. We establish trust, create traditions, raise children, and work toward shared goals. Other seasons call us to wait. We pray, remain patient, and resist the temptation to force answers that have not yet come.

Some seasons require sacrifice. Our spouse may have less strength, less emotional capacity, or less time to give. Love may temporarily become less balanced as one person carries more of the practical load. Other seasons invite us to receive. We must humble ourselves enough to admit that we are the one who needs help.

There are also seasons of rediscovery. Children leave home. Careers end. Responsibilities shift. A husband and wife who spent years working together for the sake of the family must learn again how to enjoy one another simply as husband and wife.

Philippians 2:4 teaches us not to look only to our own interests, but also to the interests of others. In marriage, that requires more than knowing what mattered to our spouse years ago. It means continuing to learn what weighs on their heart today.

We cannot love our spouse faithfully if we stop being curious about who they are becoming.

Seasons Are Chapters, Not Conclusions

A difficult season can feel permanent while we are living through it. When closeness is strained, responsibilities are heavy, or hope seems thin, it is easy to believe that the marriage will always feel this way.

But a season is not the whole story.

This does not mean every difficulty will disappear on its own. Some situations require honest conversations, pastoral wisdom, medical care, or professional counseling. Recognizing seasons should never become an excuse to ignore sin, abuse, betrayal, or serious problems that need to be addressed.

However, not every uncomfortable change means the marriage is ending. Sometimes two people are learning how to live and love under circumstances neither of them expected.

Galatians 6:9 encourages us not to grow weary in doing good, because in due season there will be a harvest if we do not give up. That promise does not guarantee that marriage will always become easy. It reminds us that faithfulness is never wasted.

The patience shown today may become the trust your spouse rests in tomorrow. The small kindness offered during an exhausting season may become a memory that carries both of you through the next one. The choice to listen, adjust, forgive, and remain present is part of the harvest God is quietly growing.

Living This Out

Take some time to consider the season your marriage is in right now. Do not begin by deciding whether it is a good season or a bad one. Simply try to understand it.

Ask one another:

• What has changed in our life or marriage during this season?

• What is placing the greatest demand on each of us right now?

• Is there something I once did that helped you feel loved but no longer meets the same need?

• What would loving you faithfully look like in this season?

• What is one small thing we can do to remain connected while we walk through it together?

Listen without becoming defensive. Your spouse’s answer is not necessarily an accusation. It may be an invitation to know them more deeply.

You do not have to solve the entire season in one conversation. The goal is to recognize where you are and choose to walk through it as partners.

A Final Thought

Marriage does not remain beautiful because it never changes. It remains beautiful when two people continue choosing one another through the changes.

The vows we made were not promises to love only the person standing before us on our wedding day. They were promises to love the people we would both become—the tired parent, the grieving spouse, the person whose body changes, the one whose dreams take an unexpected turn, and the husband or wife learning how to begin again.

Some seasons will be easier than others. Some will bring joy, while others will ask more of us than we thought we could give. Yet in every season, we have another opportunity to say through our words and actions:

I still see you.

I am still learning you.

And with God’s help, I will continue loving you faithfully here.

Prayer

Father, 

Thank You for remaining faithful through every season of our lives and marriage. Give us the wisdom to recognize the season we are in without comparing it to someone else’s or condemning it because it has changed. Help us continue learning one another with patience, humility, and grace. Show us how to express love in ways that meet the needs of today rather than simply repeating what worked yesterday. When a season is difficult, keep us from losing heart. When it is joyful, teach us to receive it with gratitude. Above all, help us walk through every season together, trusting that You are present and still at work in our marriage. 

In Jesus’ name, amen.