Keep Dating Your Spouse: Before, During, and After Marriage

“Keep Dating Your Spouse: Before, During, and After Marriage”

When we’re dating someone, we spend time learning who they are: What brings them joy? What makes them sad? How do they respond under pressure? We discover their quirks, their character, their hopes and dreams. We build love and friendship.

But then the wedding comes. We say “I do” and begin married life—jobs, kids, household responsibilities, health challenges, extended family, stress. It’s easy (and natural) for the rhythm of dating to slip away. We forget what we found in each other when we were courting. We stop actively discovering each other. Sometimes we wonder: “Did I make the right choice?”

Here’s a truth: Dating isn’t just for before marriage — it’s just as essential after. Think of a craftsperson or tradesman: once they land their “dream job,” they don’t stop learning new skills. They keep studying, practicing, growing. Marriage is the same. After the “honeymoon” and initial getting-to-know-you phase, there is lifetime of growth ahead.

Going out on a date can look many ways: a coffee shop alone, running an errand together, a weekend away. What matters is time alone, attention, learning from each other. Because everything changes over time — tastes, habits, priorities. Your spouse today might not be exactly the spouse you were chasing when you were dating.

And here’s another important side: When children watch Mom & Dad still date each other, they learn what love and devotion look like after years of marriage. They see that marriage isn’t a static status — it’s a journey.

---

Why “dating after marriage” matters

1. Friendship deepens — not just romance. At the start your excitement makes things easy; after years, you must choose friendship again.

2. Character gets exposed. Your spouse’s flaws don’t vanish at “I do”. You need ongoing connection to understand how to love through the flaws, not just admire the strengths.

3. Life changes. Jobs change, kids grow, health shifts. Without regular “learning dates,” you may drift apart.

4. Prevents the “fell out of love” trap. Many couples say they divorced because they “fell out of love”. While the full story is more complex, part of the reason is that they stopped investing time and attention into one another. According to one summary, roughly half of divorced couples say that “falling out of love” was the primary reason. 

Other research lists “lack of commitment”, “constant conflict”, and “growing apart” as top reasons for divorce. 

And studies show marital satisfaction tends to decline over time for many newlyweds without intervention. 

So while there’s no direct study that says “we stopped dating so we divorced,” the pattern is clear: relationship maintenance matters.

5. Kids benefit. When children see their parents deliberately making time for each other, they internalize respect, endurance, and joy in marriage. The marriage becomes a witness, not just to each other, but to the next generation.

---

Scripture to ground the idea

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25. 

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with your wives with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life…” — 1 Peter 3:7. 

“For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” — 1 Corinthians 7:16. 

From a devotional perspective: “Blessed is the marriage where both spouses proactively know, understand, love, respect and honour each other.” 

These scriptures remind us: marriage is relational, intentional, ongoing. We are called to know our spouse, love our spouse, honour our spouse — continually.

---

Practical tips for “dating after marriage”

Schedule it. Just like any priority. Whether monthly or weekly, block time and guard it.

Keep it simple. A 30-minute coffee date may serve better than an expensive night out if it means more consistency.

Ask good questions. “What’s something that delighted you this week?” “What’s something that discouraged you?” “What changed in you recently?”

Switch things up. Try a new food, visit a new part of town, take an impromptu errand together — novelty, even small, signals “we’re exploring together.”

Reflect and remember. Every so often, remind yourselves what you loved about each other in the dating phase — the laughter, the discovery, the growth.

Model for your children. Speak to them (briefly) about your date: “Mom and I had a good chat tonight — we’re still learning each other.” Kids see more than we imagine.

Be intentional when life is busy. When health, jobs, kids, home demands dominate — that’s all the more reason to date. Not just when things are easy.

Forgive drift. If you’ve let months or years go by without “us time,” don’t hit yourself with guilt. Begin again. The path forward matters more than the gap.

---

Ending with hope & encouragement

If you’re reading this and feel like the dating days are behind you — take heart. It’s never too late to recommit to the one you married. Today you can choose to pick up the mantle of “explorer and friend” again. Your spouse isn’t the same person they were at the start of the marriage (nor are you). So let curiosity, kindness and intentional time lead you.

By choosing to date each other again, you’re choosing to build friendship, affirm love, deepen understanding, and model to your children what enduring devotion looks like.

So plan the next date. Make simple plans. Guard the time. Protect the conversation. And rediscover one another — one adventure, one cup of coffee, one errand, one walk at a time. Your marriage will thank you. God will honour you.

Let love and friendship be the heartbeat of your marriage — not just at the beginning, but for every chapter ahead.